Illicit love in Swindon

Café Angela, Swindon

Dear Gloria

My name is Jeff, and I have to confess – I feel a little lonely. It all started a year ago when I plucked up enough courage to fulfil my lifelong dream of starting my very own business. I’d been looking for that special-something since leaving school but only found boring jobs that didn’t inspire me – they brought no passion into my life. And then, while on holiday in Corfu, I fell in love. Up in the mountains I found a little local restaurant call Angela’s. She was beautiful and I fell in love instantly. She ignited a passion in me that I never knew existed. Within hours I knew that I had finally found a way to combine my love of food and the Mediterranean – and create the love affair I’d always yearned for – in my picturesque hometown of Swindon. I know – breathtaking, right?

I’d saved some money and had an inheritance from my dearest aunt Gwendolyn (on my mother’s side) and from afar had been admiring an empty restaurant premises for months – so I threw caution to the wind and went all in! I got a grant from the council, leased the building, uncle George did a (modest) refurb; I sourced menus, furniture and a wonderfully authentic shopfront and Café Angela was born.

A year ago, I was so excited by this wonderful new relationship. Café Angela was so beautiful, our love so fresh, the food so magical. The adrenaline coursed through my veins every day I saw her. But that was a year ago and now I feel a little lonely… because there’s something missing. We both know that to keep the relationship fresh and exciting we need to see other people; lots of other people. We need to spread the word encourage new people into Café Angela to keep the love alive.

Gloria, can you help us, please?

Dear Jeff

Whenever I hear a story as wonderfully authentic as yours, my heart melts. The course of true love is never an easy one and many people have come to me to help them nurture their waning love interests, so that they may flourish in the sunlight once more. It breaks my heart to know that someone as genuine as you, inspired by the beautiful Angela’s, has lost their way and is now looking for redemption and a love re-kindled.

I must brave the wrath of the critics out there when I say that inviting others into a love as young as yours is essential to its growth. If you want to build a relationship strong enough, perhaps even one day to produce its own offspring – involving others is the most important thing. You want as many others as possible to come to Angela, spending their time loving the experience… loving your creation. The real question for you Jeff is: how can you find and attract them quickly enough so that the healing can begin?

And would you know it, I believe I have the answer! From sweet experience I happen to know how you can hold hands with all the discerning people in Swindon looking for a delicious new adventure. You can literally reach out and touch them, and in doing so, attract them to this beautiful new relationship.

I want you to create an image of Café Angela that tells all the people you want to invite into your relationship why Angela is so exquisite, why they will love it, why they will want to become involved and why it will be the most intimate experience of their lives. Then – you should get in touch with the relationship-intermediaries, romantically called “T4Local”, and ask them to create a fanfare of your love-message on every fuel nozzle on the six exquisitely positioned petrol stations all around the pretty country town of Swindon. Every time the 192,000 local restaurant-lovers fill up (in a typical four-week period), they will gaze longingly at your wonderful message and think about bringing their loved ones to enjoy the magic of Angela. They will see the message every time they put fuel in the tank, kindling the fire of love.

Jeff, if you want endless love in your life, invite the wonderful people of picturesque Swindon to become involved with Angela and they will surely fall in love and keep coming back for more, just as you did long ago on the magical, mystical isle of Corfu.

Love, Gloria XX